General New Year's resolutions

Same Old New Year

It’s a brand-new year and it’s time again to make New Year’s resolutions. According to a recent survey, 80 percent of the people who make a New Year’s resolution break it by the end of the first week in January. Fifteen percent of the people who make a New Year’s resolution can’t remember it because…

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General Santa Claus

Dear Santa

Dear Santa: We are writing on behalf of our client, Matt, who may or may not have met your criteria for presents, gifts, toys, etc. As to whether Matt has been “naughty or nice” this past year, we find this criterion to be somewhat arbitrary, subjective and completely vague. For example, for every 10 people…

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General sugar

Sugar, Sugar

Halloween is upon us and that means candy! Uhm, uhm, good. Here’s a list of my 10 favorite Halloween candies. Apparently, I have a wicked bad sweet tooth. Peanut M&MsMounds BarReese’s Peanut Butter CupsSnickers100 Grand BarMilky WayMr. GoodbarButterfingerTwixKitKat Sugar is so prevalent in our society that a song (“Sugar, Sugar”) was even written about it…

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General soundtrack

My Wife’s Soundtrack

Do you ever hear a song that reminds you of a place, time or person in your life? Not necessarily because those songs are that person’s favorite songs, but because they reflect certain attributes of that person which we either love or hate. I’ve put together a short list of songs that make me think…

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Ninja Squirrels

Lately I have noticed an unusual number of squirrels scampering around my yard. A whole lot of them. Now I am not sure that the population density of squirrels in my yard is necessarily more significant than similarly situated yards in my neighborhood, but there just seems to be way too many squirrels around this…

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General God

Oh, God!

Oh, God! That’s right, ‘The Almighty’, ‘The Supreme Being’, ‘The Divine One’, ‘The Big Guy Upstairs’, or my favorite, ‘Morgan Freeman’ from the movie “Bruce Almighty”. God would like to relay the following message to the readers of The Welcome Matt: “You’re going to die eventually. Deal with it. Cleanup your act now while there’s…

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